hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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