they need to just BURY HIM!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
