I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
