You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
MIDGETS
????
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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