i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
