Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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