I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
