That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
