dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
