I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
