just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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