Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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