So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
