it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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