It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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