So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
