I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
