Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize