Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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