"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
