dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
