Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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