Do you still have your period?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
