I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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