Don't make out with my wife yet
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
