You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
