Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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