He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
