i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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