I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
