Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
