Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
