He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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