Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
