I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
