It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my poor anus
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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