Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
