Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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