Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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