just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
