I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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