Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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