I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
