my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
