go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
