You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
