you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize