You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
