but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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