Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
