yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
