so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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