i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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