Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
