i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
