Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
