i think i have herpe
just one?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
