capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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