I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
