Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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