I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
