How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
