your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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