ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
