i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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