Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
