u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
