Moan for me like Helen Keller
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
