shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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