He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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