my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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