we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
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Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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