didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Apparently you make a good broom.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
