You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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