College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
