I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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